A letter to my firstborn this Mothers' Day

Dear daughter,

It has not been that long since you made me a mother, that chilly spring day just 3 years ago. You came into the world wide-eyed and full of wonder. Emotion flooded my heart as I gazed back at you - you were my tiny human. You were mine and I loved you.

The days and months following were difficult for both of us. You cried and cried and so did I. You were taking in the world around you and I was learning right along with you. You were so helpless and dependent on me. Sometimes this would even make me feel exhausted just thinking about it.

Months past and our bond grew stronger. I learned to explore the world with you. Your very presence would bring a peace and completeness to my soul. I longed for you when you were sleeping, to be snuggled up next to you and to feel your warm breath on my skin. I loved to see your tiny hands reaching up to me.

This year has tested our relationship. Your struggle for autonomy has been hard on both of us. I long to have you nuzzled up in my arms and I can tell you do to, but your actions are very different. You push away, you yell, you shout. You want to do it on your own, you say you don't want me. But my darling daughter, I know you do. The very thought of you not needing me, causes so much pain that I too, try and push you away.

And then in a brief moment, you call out to me, "Mama!" "Yes, little one?" "I love you."

"I love you, too." And all the hurt melts away and I am reminded of the day I met you, the day I became a mother. I am reminded that we are just learning, learning how to love.

I love you my darling.

Mother's day often brings up so many emotions for people. Even if you are not a mother, we all have mothers. Some of us find it easy to love our mothers, some of us have lost our mothers, some of us hate our mothers, some of us never knew our mothers, some of us had surrogate mothers, grandmas and aunties. Some of us planned to be mothers, some of us dream to be mothers, some of us didn't choose to be mothers. We are all on a journey and we never chose to make someone a mother when we did. Perhaps your timing wasn't ideal or perhaps you were the long awaited baby. Whatever the case,we all had a moment in time when we came into the world and for that we can be grateful for our mothers. We can choose to learn and move forward regardless of our beginnings, regardless of our past mistakes.

I am far from a perfect mother. I make mistakes. I sometimes lash out with an unkind word. Today on this special day to honour mothers, I am choosing to move forward and love - love my friends, love my family and even love myself.

Happy Mothers' Day. ​