Over the last three years, I have been exploring the concept of "play." What is play? Why do children do it? How do we as adults interfere, limit, extend or stifle play in children? The result of my research thus far is this: Play is a lot deeper than I first thought and although I have spent a significant time learning about it, even immersing myself in it, I still feel like the real learning and motivation behind it alludes my adult mind. The more time I spend observing children play the more I realise that I will never be an expert on it, so please take my reflections lightly. They are just that - reflections. There once was a time where I was driven to make huts, forts, tents, houses and yurts. I can recall spending a lot of my time on the playground in the sandpit digging very deep trenches and seeing if I could dig up to the other side. From memory, I wasn't even realizing I was "playing ." In my mind, it was comforting to explore these ideas over and over again. My world felt complete when I was under stairs at our house building a wee hideaway with lights, cushions and books. And although I feel like "play" is something I will continue to only try and understand with no real definite adult answer here are some basic themes I have learnt about play these last few years. 1. Play is how children make sense of the world. Children are always learning. You may have heard the analogy that a child is like a sponge, soaking up the world around them. Their minds are fresh, their senses acute. They are sensitive to the slightest change in sounds, colours or smells. I start opening the cupboards in the kitchen and my daughter's ears immediately perk up. "Mummy, what are you doing?" She comes bounding in to see what I might be eating or making. "I smell something yummy," she might say. This sensitivity to the world around them does not stop when they are obviously "playing." My littlest one will grab the shaker and shake it over and over again. Looking at her hands while she does it, then looking more closely at what is inside the shaker. She looks to be asking it, "Why do those beads make noise when I move my hands up and down." My eldest will get all the dolls out and line them up on cushions. She says they are sleeping. I ask her after a couple hours of her babies sleeping, "Aren't you going to get your babies up and play with them, they have been lying there all day." She looks at them with compassionate eyes and says, "My poor babies were up a lot of the night. They made these sounds, 'ZZZZZ, WAHHHHHH, ZZZZZZ, WAHHHH!' They are very tired and need some sleep." In that moment I realised that her play was so much more important than dressing her dolls in their pjs and putting them in their beds. She was making sense of her world. 2. Play is purposeful even if it doesn't look like it. Yesterday my three year old spent the afternoon climbing on top of things and chucking balls around the room. After a few narrow misses of her sister's head I said in my authoritarian Mummy voice, "Stop, get down off of there and stop throwing those balls around. They are for your sister to play with." For those of you more seasoned in "play" you are probably shaking your head at me and thinking, "you ruined a genuine learning moment." Well before you judge me too harshly ;) all was not lost, as my daughter is a great communicator and stepped in to defend her play. She said, "I only wanted to see what would happen if I threw the balls from a higher place." Doh! That is when I pulled my head in and realized that my adult eyes saw only danger and annoyance. In her mind, she is always a scientist, testing out her newest hypothesis. She is mastering the scientific method ("the systematic pursuit of knowledge involving the recognition and formulation of a problem, the collection of data through observation and experiment, and the formulation and testing of hypotheses." -Merriam-Webster) prior to even the formal teaching of these procedures and principles. In fact, we allow children to have free, uninterrupted play they will constantly be testing new ideas and discovering new things. 3. Play is different for all children and each child sets their own "rules" for their play. What is a fort to one child, is a tower to be knocked down by another. We can't assume that when we set out a box of blocks for children to "play" with that they will all want to build a house, or even build something for that matter. The other day at playcentre, a 4 year old boy and his father were busy building an amazing tower. My three year old pranced over and was obviously in awe of their work. She was so inspired that she wanted to "play" too. She began to pick up the blocks and declare that they were going to go in the middle of this amazing tower. The other child crinkled up his face at her and said, "No! That is not where they go." Both the boy's father and I held our breaths waiting to see what kind of argument would ensue. My daughter continued to go about her idea, even though the boy was obviously upset. He then began to break his tower down, saying that he didn't want to play it anymore. She cried, upset that she couldn't join in the game. I hugged her and said, "The boy has already started building something, if you want to join in, he wants you to follow his rules." She walked back over to the boy who had begun rebuilding his tower and said, "I want to play!!!" He paused for a moment and then said, "You can put that block on here like this." She agreed and after a few well placed blocks realized she didn't really want to follow his rules and went to play with something else. As adults we sometimes intervene before children are allowed to share the rules of play with each other. We often see the first instance of anger and say something along the lines of "You need to share!" "Take turns!" "You need to use nice words!" When actually they aren't asking what our rules are, they need to know what the other child's rules are. As parents it is important to intervene in ways that do no interrupt this delicate "play dance." Allow them to sort it out, be there to guide them in the questions they need to ask or to cuddle them when they are refused, but I don't think we should always be the ones to set the rules or they will always need us to sort out the problems. Teaching them to ask the right questions and cope with disappoint is more empowering than forcing them to share. 4. Play needs to be child initiated and directed to have the most lasting impact on the psyche of a child. I am a trained teacher and I love neat orderly play. I like "play-based learning," "learning provocations" and "tidy play areas." Although I think that these things all have their place and can teach valuable lessons or contribute positively to a child's play, real learning and problems solving often occurs when a child is the one who begins the play and directs it to explore their own inner-driven scientific hypothesis. Real learning happens when a child wants to learn something, not when a teacher or parent wants to learn something. We have to ask ourselves, what is the purpose of my well planned activity? What am I wanting a child to learn? Is it to follow my rules of play or is to be a little scientist who follows their own rules of play to test out one of their many hypotheses about how the world works. As adults we should not always be the constructors of play, instead we should be there to supply ideas when asked, answer big questions, guide them when needed, insure the safety of the child while still allowing them to explore and most importantly be a present in their learning with them. This is a concept that I find very difficult to follow because I love tidy neat play. But we really do have to be careful that "play-based learning" doesn't become another way for adults to control children and manipulate them to do what we want. I am speaking to myself here, not just the masses. Play should not become the new worksheet. We need to be cautious that we don't always throw our rules in the mix and stifle real, genuine learning. Provocations on the left have their place, but they should not take the place of genuine play like that in the picture on the right. Which leads me to my final point... 5. Play is so much richer in a natural, outdoor environment. Recently my daughter had a friend over. They say they love each other, but you introduce toys in the mix and they suddenly become arch enemies. After a few squabbles over various items designed for children to "play" with, we quickly intervened and suggested we go out for a walk. They readily agreed and with their gumboots on went crashing and running down the path along the river. They would pause to climb a hill, pick up a stick or throw a rock in the water. The arguing magically melted away as the autumn sun lit up their faces. They quickly became scientists "playing" in their natural environment - taking risks, getting dirty and enjoying each other's company. Meanwhile... "Nature is always hinting at us. It hints over and over again. And suddenly, we take the hint." -Robert Frost To read some more ideas about play check out these other great blogs:
https://www.fix.com/blog/get-children-playing-outside/ http://happinessishereblog.com/2016/03/why-i-dont-like-play-based-learning/ http://www.letthechildrenplay.net/2013/03/be-reggio-inspired-learning-experiences.html
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Dear daughter,
It has not been that long since you made me a mother, that chilly spring day just 3 years ago. You came into the world wide-eyed and full of wonder. Emotion flooded my heart as I gazed back at you - you were my tiny human. You were mine and I loved you. The days and months following were difficult for both of us. You cried and cried and so did I. You were taking in the world around you and I was learning right along with you. You were so helpless and dependent on me. Sometimes this would even make me feel exhausted just thinking about it. Months past and our bond grew stronger. I learned to explore the world with you. Your very presence would bring a peace and completeness to my soul. I longed for you when you were sleeping, to be snuggled up next to you and to feel your warm breath on my skin. I loved to see your tiny hands reaching up to me. This year has tested our relationship. Your struggle for autonomy has been hard on both of us. I long to have you nuzzled up in my arms and I can tell you do to, but your actions are very different. You push away, you yell, you shout. You want to do it on your own, you say you don't want me. But my darling daughter, I know you do. The very thought of you not needing me, causes so much pain that I too, try and push you away. And then in a brief moment, you call out to me, "Mama!" "Yes, little one?" "I love you." "I love you, too." And all the hurt melts away and I am reminded of the day I met you, the day I became a mother. I am reminded that we are just learning, learning how to love. I love you my darling. Mother's day often brings up so many emotions for people. Even if you are not a mother, we all have mothers. Some of us find it easy to love our mothers, some of us have lost our mothers, some of us hate our mothers, some of us never knew our mothers, some of us had surrogate mothers, grandmas and aunties. Some of us planned to be mothers, some of us dream to be mothers, some of us didn't choose to be mothers. We are all on a journey and we never chose to make someone a mother when we did. Perhaps your timing wasn't ideal or perhaps you were the long awaited baby. Whatever the case,we all had a moment in time when we came into the world and for that we can be grateful for our mothers. We can choose to learn and move forward regardless of our beginnings, regardless of our past mistakes. I am far from a perfect mother. I make mistakes. I sometimes lash out with an unkind word. Today on this special day to honour mothers, I am choosing to move forward and love - love my friends, love my family and even love myself. Happy Mothers' Day. |
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